The Braineater Gazette & Clarion

Hey y'all, in case you feel like following my process for dying clothes, here are the steps!
1. Find dye
2. Find salt
3. Mix dye, warm water and salt in specified proportions an a clean bucket
4. Find rubber gloves
4a. ... I said find rubber gloves.
4b. Where the hell are the rubber gloves?
4c. I left them right near the dye for the next time I was going to dye soemthing!
4d. Maybe they're under the kitchen sink?
4e. Or in the basement???
4f. The dye must be getting cold.
4g. Look again in the first places you tried, maybe you just had a pattern-recognition glitch?
5. Improvise hand coverings with large plastic bags held on with hair elastics.
6. Damp down the clothes to be dyed.
7. Swish clothes around in dye for 15 minutes, leave them soaking for another 45 minutes swishing them occasionally.
8. Rinse.
9. Rinse.
10. Rinse.
11. Rinse.
11a. Has any damn dye actually stuck to this cloth?
12. Rinse.
13. Sod it, throw them in the washing machine.
14. Dry.
15. Run washing machine empty to clear out remaining dye.
16. Profit?
(I only have one thumb that's deep pink so I didn't do too badly, really.)